8 Things That Are Weirdly Expensive on a Cruise Ship

Beware the Hidden Depths of Your Wallet: Decoding Expensive Cruise Ship Things

Ah, the cruise. You’ve booked your cabin, picked out your swimsuits, and you’re already dreaming of endless buffets and sea breezes. But let’s be honest, that initial cruise price tag is just the appetizer. Once you step foot on that floating city, you’ll quickly discover a whole world of surprisingly expensive cruise ship things that can make your wallet feel like it’s been thrown overboard.

Don't get us wrong, a cruise is an amazing time. But being prepared for the costs beyond your fare is key to not having a heart attack when the final bill hits your stateroom. So, grab a (free) glass of water and let’s dive into some of the notorious budget-busters you’ll encounter on the high seas.

1. The Absolute Extortion That Is Onboard WiFi

You’re on a cruise to disconnect, right? Sure, tell that to your Instagram feed. The moment you try to upload that epic sailaway selfie or check in with the dog sitter, you’ll hit the infamous cruise ship wifi wall. And it’s not just a wall, it’s a diamond-encrusted, gold-plated, slow-as-molasses wall.

Cruise ship wifi is notoriously expensive, often costing more per day than your entire streaming service subscription for a month. And for what? So you can painstakingly send a text message that finally goes through two hours later? Our advice: plan to mostly disconnect. If you absolutely need to reach the outside world, wait until you hit a port with free wifi or consider a cheaper international data plan for those short stops. Trying to maintain your usual online habits on a cruise ship is one of the quickest ways to rack up hidden cruise costs.

2. Specialty Dining: Is That Lobster Worth Another Mortgage Payment?

The main dining room and buffet are included, and frankly, they’re usually pretty good. But then you walk past the fancy steakhouse or the Italian trattoria, and suddenly, the free prime rib just isn’t cutting it. Specialty restaurants on cruise ships are tempting, with their intimate settings, unique menus, and promises of a truly unforgettable meal.

However, these come with an additional per-person charge that can easily rival a nice dinner out back home. While some cruisers swear by them for a special occasion, others find that the main dining room offers plenty of delicious options without the extra hit to the cruise prices. It's all about weighing whether that extra-fancy pasta is worth the splurge when there's already so much food included.

3. Shore Excursions: Sticker Shock in Port

You’ve arrived in paradise! Now, how do you see it? The cruise line is happy to offer you a myriad of shore excursions, from snorkeling adventures to city tours. They’re convenient, guaranteed to get you back to the ship on time, and usually well-organized. They’re also, more often than not, incredibly expensive.

Booking directly through the cruise line often means paying a premium. Savvy cruisers know that researching independent local tour operators or even just exploring on your own can save you a significant chunk of change. Just be sure to read reviews and give yourself plenty of time to get back to the ship. Missing the boat because you saved a few bucks is a classic rookie mistake.

4. The Onboard Gift Shop: Impulse Buys Ahoy!

Picture this: you’re three days into your cruise, feeling relaxed, a little tipsy from the drink package, and suddenly that 'I Love My Cruise' sparkly magnet seems like an absolute necessity. The onboard gift shops are masters of impulse buys.

From branded apparel to cheesy souvenirs, everything in there feels like a must-have in the vacation bubble. But once you get home, that $25 t-shirt with a generic ship graphic might not feel so special. This is where bringing your own humor comes in handy. Why buy a forgettable souvenir when you can wear a joke that actually makes people laugh? We started Funny Cruise Shirts because somebody had to give the pool deck better jokes. If you're going to spend a week on a floating city, you might as well wear something that makes people laugh.

5. Professional Photos: Say Cheese, Pay Big Bucks

Everywhere you turn, there’s a cruise photographer. Smiling, ready to snap your picture in front of a backdrop, with the captain, or mid-dance move. It’s fun in the moment, and you tell yourself you’ll only buy one or two. Then you see the proofs.

Suddenly, all 20 candid shots of you laughing with your partner, or your whole crew looking surprisingly good, become irresistible. And that’s when the price tag hits. Individual prints, digital packages – it all adds up fast. While a professional photo can be a great keepsake, it’s one of those expensive cruise ship things that sneaks up on you. Consider taking your own photos, especially if you’re rocking some truly hilarious gear. Our 12 Things You'll Say at Least Once on a Cruise article might give you some great photo op ideas!

6. Medical Services: Hope You Don't Get a Case of the Crud

Nobody wants to think about getting sick on vacation, but it happens. And when it does, the ship’s medical center is there to help. Which is great, until you see the bill. Onboard medical care is essentially an emergency room at sea, and it's priced accordingly.

Even a simple doctor’s visit for a cold or seasickness can cost hundreds of dollars, and more serious issues can quickly skyrocket. This is why travel insurance with medical coverage is highly recommended. It’s not an upfront cruise cost, but ignoring it can lead to one of the most unexpected and expensive cruise ship things you could face.

7. Laundry Service: The Great Onboard Scam

Need a fresh outfit for formal night? Spilled a daiquiri on your favorite tee? The ship’s laundry service is there to rescue you. And charge you an arm and a leg for the privilege. As the founder story goes, laundry on a cruise ship is a scam. You’re typically paying per item, and those prices add up faster than you can say “another round.”

Many ships have self-service laundry rooms, which are a much more budget-friendly option if you absolutely need to wash something. Or, even better, pack more funny shirts than you think you need. That way, you avoid the laundry bill entirely and get to wear a fresh joke every day. We've got you covered with plenty of options in our Humorous Cruise T-Shirts - Classic Vacation Tees collection.

8. Generic Onboard Apparel: Why Bring Your Own Punchline

We touched on this with the gift shop, but it deserves its own spotlight. You'll find plenty of cruise-themed t-shirts and hats in the onboard stores. They're usually pretty generic, maybe a ship logo, a basic anchor, or a bland "I Love Cruises" slogan. They're also often marked up significantly.

Why settle for generic when you can be the life of the lido deck? At Funny Cruise Shirts, we believe your vacation wardrobe should be as epic as your vacation. Instead of dropping cash on a forgettable tee, grab something that actually makes people laugh. Imagine wearing our

as you hit the pool bar, or our if it's your inaugural voyage. These aren't just shirts; they're conversation starters.

We’re here for the puns, the drink package jokes, and the people who think vacation should come with a punchline. Our designs are curated for comedy quality, not just keyword density, and printed on quality blanks like Bella+Canvas and Comfort Colors. You won't find this kind of humor in the ship's store.

Don't Let Hidden Cruise Costs Sink Your Fun

While some of these expensive cruise ship things are unavoidable, many can be managed with a little pre-planning and a healthy dose of wit. Knowing what to expect means you can budget smarter and focus on the important stuff: relaxing, having fun, and maybe overdoing it on the soft-serve machine. Don’t let unexpected cruise prices spoil your perfectly good time.

So, pack smart, plan ahead, and most importantly, bring your humor. Because at the end of the day, the best memories are made with laughs, not lavish spending on things you didn’t need. Go forth and cruise, you magnificent, budget-savvy humorist!